How To Find A Relationship (Teenagers)

Also read article Where Can I Find Love
High school can be a very tough time for queer teenagers, no matter what your identity. In addition to the struggles everyone goes through to find an identity and a niche in high school, queer teens have to think about how to define themselves, coming out, homophobia, and a host of other unique issues. It may be hard to find a relationship when you aren't sure how to define yourself, or how to meet other queer teens, but it's not impossible.

Steps

1. Discover your own identity. It takes time to figure out who you are, and in the queer community there's even more pressure to have a rigid, fixed identity with a label like "gay," "bi," "trans," "lesbian," or "bisexual." Don't worry if you're not quite sure what word to use, or if the words you use change over time. You can use words like "queer," "pansexual," "questioning," or "gender fluid." You also don't have to base who you're interested in on gender. Just ask yourself some basic questions, like:
   
   • Who am I looking for in a relationship? Is gender important? If so, what gender(s) do I prefer?
     
   • Is it important to me to claim a particular identity?
     
   • Do I want to come out? If I'm out, or plan to be, does the person I date need to be out, too?
     
   • How comfortable am I with PDA? Some queer teens may want to be out at school and to their families, and others may not. Decide this before you enter a relationship.
     
   • Is it important to me that someone I'm with affirm my gender and/or sexuality? This may be particularly important if you're trans- or bisexual-identified and might end up in what looks like a "straight" relationship.
     
2. Meet other queer teenagers and allies. If you live in a queer-friendly community, or go to a queer-friendly school, this may be easy. But if you don't, you'll need to meet people before you can look for potential dates. Search the web for any local queer youth groups or meet-ups, or if there are none available, try social justice groups or arts groups for teenagers. Often, though not always, queer teens get involved in politically liberal causes and the arts, which have typically been queer-friendly spaces. Feminist groups also tend to be particularly queer friendly. Dating websites are another place to meet, but spend time chatting first before you meet in person, and always meet in a public place first.
   
3. Be open about your identity and availability in ways that make sense to you. Everyone is different. Some people want to shout about their queerness from the rooftops, while others are painfully shy. If you want to date someone who knows that you're queer, whether a same-sex relationship or not, you need to be open about your identity to some extent. But how you do that is up to you. You can come out entirely at school, or in your community but not at school, or you can spread the word in some other way--letting close friends know, for example, or being active on the Internet as a queer teen. You never know whether a Twitter follower or blog reader in your town might start crushing on you if you come out online, and in some ways these venues are safer than being open at school or around town.
   

Tips

• Friends first is usually the easiest way to meet other queer people. Unfortunately, when you're a teenager, it's hard to find dates safely because many queer meeting places are adults-only. Youth groups are oriented towards friendship, but those friendships can easily evolve into relationships over time.
  
• Safety first. If you date online, make sure you get to know someone first and meet in a public place before you give out any personal information. Don't come out to your family, friends, or teachers if you think you might be physically harmed, financially abandoned, or emotionally attacked. Take things at your own pace. Look for a friendly mentor who can help you if things get rough. It's never your responsibility to tell a boyfriend or girlfriend that you're queer, but make sure you're safe if you're coming out to someone who doesn't know about your sexuality or gender identity.
  
• If you're outgoing and want to come out, but don't know any queer youth in your area, consider starting a group of your own. You can post anonymous flyers or start a Facebook group to see if there's interest before you hold a meeting. You might be surprised!